ONE LAST MISSION (MISSION OF MERCY)
by Ari Shore
Summary: This is a flash story that is a one-scene follow-up to a Season 3 Hogan's Heroes episode and it takes place just after Stalag 13 was liberated by the Allies.


Yesterday, the Allies came and "liberated" Stalag 13. Tomorrow, the plane will come to take Andrew Carter back home to Bullfrog, North Dakota, in the United States - nearly half a planet away from his present position in former Nazi Germany and worlds away, politically. (***1**)

"That just about gives me time," thought Carter...

Andrew looked through the bars at the single sad occupant, who had visibly brightened at the sight of Sergeant Andrew J. Carter.

"I'll have you out of here in a minute, buddy!" Andrew told him...

As Andrew and the former captive were sneaking away, they ran into a familiar face.

"Oh, I see you freed our friend," said Corporal - no, Peter - Newkirk, formerly of the RAF.

"I just couldn't let him stay there," Andrew Carter said.

"Well, mate, I couldn't, either," confessed Peter.

"Oh, ho ho - what have we here?"

At the sound of this new voice, Peter and Andrew turned to see former Free French Air Force Corporal Louis LeBeau walking towards them.

"I guess you were just out for a stroll?" Peter asked dryly.

At the sight of Louis LeBeau, their rescued friend immediately broke away from Andrew and jumped up into Louis's arms.

"Freddie!" Louis said to the chimpanzee. Freddie the chimp reached up and took Louis's cap off of Louis's head and put it on his own. He began pulling at Louis's sweater.

"He remembers the clothes I made for 'im!" exclaimed Peter.

"What a picture you guys make," said a new voice.

James Ivan Kinchloe, former US Army Sergeant First Class and a whiz at radio equipment, strolled up, accompanied by former US Air Corps Colonel Robert E. Hogan.(***2**)

"What is this, ruddy Picadilly Circus?" muttered Peter.

"I just couldn't leave the little fellow here," explained Andrew.

"I couldn't, either," confessed a new voice.

Mr Hans Schultz, executive operations manager of Schatzie Toy Company was waddling towards the little group that was huddled up in the woods, by the zoo, so Freddie's "escape" would not be noticed. With him was Karl Langenscheidt. (*******3**)

"He was my top factory foreman," Hans said of Karl.

"_Ja_, he got me my job at Stalag 13 _und_ kept me from going to the Russian front," Karl said.

"I had to - good help is hard to find, _und_ he is a very good foreman," Hans said. "Plus, my wife would kill me if Karl had come to harm. He is her nephew!" (*******4**)

"I thought you were still on leave," Hogan said to Hans.

As Hogan had had advance notice of Stalag 13 being liberated, he'd made sure _Oberfeldwebel_ (Sergeant of the Guard) Hans Schultz and _Oberst __Kommandant_ (Colonel) Wilhelm Klink were on leave when it happened so they would be well out of it. He figured it was the least he could do, as Schultz both willingly and unwittingly helped out the Allies on numerous occasions and poor Klink was just a born patsy that couldn't help anyone, not even himself.

Schultz, recognizing Hogan's urgency in insisting he take leave, instinctively had _Unteroffizier_ (Corporal) Karl Langenscheidt accompany Klink as a "body guard".(*******5**)

Apparently, they all had gotten word the war was over and made their way back from leave.

"What? And miss all this?" Hans Schultz smiled. He took a bunch of grapes out of his pocket and began alternately feeding one to Freddie and feeding one to himself.

Peter shrugged and took a banana out of his pocket and peeled it for Freddie.

"I owe the little fellow a medal," said Hogan.

"I know NOTHING!" Hans said, out of habit. "...do I?"

"Well, we might as well tell you now, " Hogan said.

Hogan relayed the story of how, when the animals were accidentally freed from the zoo due to a nearby factory being bombed and Freddie had adopted Lieutenant-posing-as-Master-Sergeant Andrew Carter, (***6) **they had Freddie bring a vital radio part to the underground when Sergeant Schultz took him back to the zoo. Peter Newkirk told how he'd sewn the part into Freddie's clothes. (*******7**)

"HA HA HA! I bet London had a problem understanding they were meeting a chimpanzee!" Hans laughed his big belly laugh. Louis reflected somewhat sadly that this might be the last time he'd be hearing the big man laugh. "You jolly jokers! You really did have some monkey business going on!"

"Yeah, we had to tell them five times that they were meeting a chimp wearing Sergeant's stripes!" Kinch laughed.

"_Ouí_, not only was he wearing my clothes, but he outranked me!" Louis added.

Hans said, "Freddie, how would you like to come home with me _und_ be the son I never had?"

Freddie climbed down from Louis's arms and walked over to Hans, looking up at the big man.

"But - you have 5 kids and some of them are boys," retorted Louis. (*******8**)

"Oh, please, don't remind me! They are all getting big _und_ not so cute anymore. They all look like my wife so OH, BOY are they big! And especially are they not cute anymore, if you know what I mean. Karl is the only one in her whole family who does not resemble a barrage balloon. Freddie, on the other hand, will never grow any bigger _und_ he will always be cute, plus he won't eat me out of house _und _home like they do, will you, Freddie?"

"Schultzie, you're kinda big yourself," said Peter, "but you do have a point."

"Germany has a lot of re-construction to do so Freddie would be safer somewhere else," Louis said.

Almost as if he understood, Freddie walked over to Louis and looked up at him expectantly.

"Unfortunately, I don't know if I am going back with my ex-wife or moving in with my cousin Robert, so I cannot take him. Sorry, Freddie," Louis told him.

The chimp looked down, then he walked past each man, briefly looking up at each one, in turn, as they explained why they could not take him and apologized to Freddie as he looked up at them.

"Sorry, I only have a small bachelor apartment, my motorcycle has no sidecar, plus I can't cook," said Hogan.

"Don't look at me," Kinch said. "If I end up with my young cousin, he's allergic. Sorry, little guy."

"My Aunt Gretchen would not like for me to bring you to the Schultz _haus_, where I will most likely be staying for awhile, I am afraid," Karl told him.

"_Und_ I am afraid of my wife, too - I am sorry, Freddie," Hans told him.

Finally, Freddie was back in front of Andrew. He sighed and climbed back up into Andrew's arms.

"It's settled, then. He's coming back to Bullfrog with me. My parents have a farm with plenty of trees out in the south pasture. Heck, we even have a porch swing. He'll love it there!"

"A porch swing, eh? Yeah, sounds like just the place for 'im all right," observed Peter.

Andrew had been subject to "spells" as a result of a tunnel cave-in soon after he joined Hogan's bunch in Stalag 13. He'd suffered a blow to his head during an accidental explosion while mixing up some chemicals down in the tunnels and at times would forget things. Important things. (*******9**) It was the flashes of genius he showed at other times that made Hogan glad Carter had insisted on staying after his injury.

Truthfully, Hogan felt a bit guilty and hoped Carter would get proper medical treatment when he got home and become the genius he once was.

Unfortunately, little was known about what was called "shell shock" at that time; the explosion in the tunnel had made Carter's brain slam against one side of his skull, causing internal injury to his brain. He also had a blow on the head from falling debris, and never quite recovered from either.

But regardless of Andrew's traumatic brain injury, no one could deny the fact that Andrew Carter had a big heart; they all knew Freddie would have a good home with Andrew.

"You give me your address, _ja_, so when I get Schatzie Toys going again, I send lots of toys. I make Freddie one happy little fellow, _ja?" _Hans told Andrew.

"Right here, mate," Peter said, producing a card seemingly out of nowhere.

Andrew juggled Freddie and felt his back pocket. "How did you know they were there?"

"You left one on the printing press back at the camp," Peter replied, juggling the cards between his fingertips like they were playing cards.

"I told ya it's a habit, mate!" Peter added laughingly as he passed the cards out to everyone. The remaining cards disappeared as quickly as they'd appeared.

Peter wrote a few lines on some paper he took out of his pocket and passed the pen to Louis. "Send us pictures, mate," he said as he folded the paper and buttoned it into Andrew's pocket. "Me Mum's house, there, and also me nephew - Richard Dawson. Tike would love to see Freddie playin about. Send lots of snaps, ok? You do have a post office, don't you?"

"We use the one at Crabapple Junction," Andrew replied.

"That'd be a NO, then," remarked Peter.

"Here is contact information for me," Louis said and wrote down his information with the pen Peter gave him then passed the pen to Kinch. "I WAS married but I wasn't sure how long I'd be at Stalag 13 so I let her go, so if she found someone who could be there for her, she could be happy. She will know how to reach me; I am hoping to get that going again, she is a wonderful lady. If not, try my cousin Robert Widerman in Paris." (*******10**)

Peter took the paper from Louis and helped add it to Andrew's pocket, as Andrew's arms were a bit full of chimp at the moment.

"Me, too...try me at the Detroit phone company first, and send some pictures to my little cousin, Ivan Dixon," Kinch put another piece of paper in Anrew's pocket and passed the pen to Hogan. (*******1****1**)

Hogan looked curiously at the pen, then wrote an address down. He tried to give the pen back to Peter, but Peter said, "Keep it, it's yours anyway!"

Hogan shot him a funny look and Peter said, "I told you -"

"Yeah, I know. Habit," said Hogan.

"Looks like more of a sickness to me," Kinch put in laughingly.

"You may be right about that," Peter confessed.

"I know he is! Here's my mom, in Bridgeport." Hogan added yet another paper to Andrew's pocket. (***1****2**) "And I am going to do my darndest to get Sergeant Freddie Carter his medal. You guys, too. You have done a phenomenal job. Lots of people from lots of countries, on both sides, all owe their lives to you guys. You will not be forgotten."

As Hogan was speaking, Peter was thinking about how much he had come to respect Hogan, and rightly so.

At first Peter wasn't sure what to make of Hogan. His ideas always seemed the craziest - but they actually WORKED, and beautifully so!

After awhile, Peter had overcome his basic hatred and distrust of authority and had Hogan asked him to, Peter would have stormed Hitler's bunker singlehandedly. After all - the good Guv'nor could always be relied upon to get his crew out of whatever sticky wicket they got themselves into. He was a good man to have on your side. But if he wasn't, well - no wonder Germany had lost the war!

Knowing how many lives Hogan had saved, Peter would gladly have traded places with Hogan had Hogan ended up facing a firing squad, but he didn't quite look upon Hogan as a father figure. Alfie the Artiste, safecracker extr'ordinaire, held that honor; when Peter had run away to join the circus, he'd met Alfie, who'd taken Peter under his wing and taught the boy everything he knew about robbery, burglary and safecracking. (*******1****3**)

Peter had run away to join the circus after his father finally got tired of knocking him, his mother and his younger siblings around and split. Peter was 12 years old and rather disappointed when the old man had left. He'd wanted to punch the old man in the face because you just don't treat women that way. He'd just about gotten his nerve up when the old man suddenly left. He'd still love to punch him one. (*******1****4**)

No, Hogan was more like a far wiser older brother. Someone to really look up to.

"Oh - and don't be surprised if it looks like your ranks are wrong," Hogan was saying. "I gave you officer commissions - well, except for you, Carter, since you already had one - plus field promotions and pay hikes three times while we were working at Stalag 13. I just never gave you a ceremony. You'll get that later. You, Kinch, are now a Captain. Carter - you made Major. LeBeau, you're now a Lieutenant. And Newkirk -"

"No, don't tell me -" Peter Newkirk broke in.

"- since you hate us 'ruddy officers', you are now a Flight Sergeant. Be sure and check your pay statements before you check out of the military - or even if you choose to stay in."

"No, that's okay - I didn't even want to join the bleatin military in the first place! I've had about enough of it all!" Peter said quickly.

They all laughed, except for Hans.

All turned to look at Hans Schultz, as he was sniffling with a handkerchief held up to his nose. "I don't like to say goodbye..._a__uf wiedersehn_, until we meet again - as friends, _ja?" _Hans said.

"Schultzie, you know you are my streudel buddy. Of course I will see you again, after Germany gets put back together. Hard times are ahead, but soon all will be well, my friend," said Louis.

"Oh, I hope you are right!" exclaimed Hans, in between sniffles. He took Andrew's address card that Peter had handed him, clutched it to his chest, and said," oh, you were absolutely the best enemies a man could ever have! Such great fellows! I will miss you all!" Then he carefully folded the card and put it in his pocket. He felt a second packet of papers that he knew he had not put there. He wondered where it had come from. "I only wish you could have gotten me a raise, too," he added quietly.

"Don't be sure we didn't!" Hogan said with that old twinkle in his eye, the one that used to announce that the Hogan Plan was about to commence. "By the way - you wouldn't know what happened to the bricks we used to re-build the Kommandant's steps, would you?" (***1****5**)

"They were non-regulation so Major Hochstetter insisted we have the bricks removed, as you know. They are now around my wife's garden," Hans informed him. (***1****6**)

"Boy, that's one expensive garden," Andrew observed.

"Remember that gold shipment that came through the camp?" asked Hogan.

"Oh, please, Colonel Hogan - tell me you DIDN'T!" exclaimed Hans.

"Why do you think the bleatin gold disappeared right after it came to Stalag 13?" Peter asked.

"Cut one brick - no, two - in half," Hogan advised. "Keep one, they'll never miss it. Say you were cutting the other one in half to use to repair your house and when you saw it you remembered the gold that went missing. You put two and two together and decided to turn it all in. That way you get a reward. You can use that money plus money from the gold to start your toy factory back up."

"_Ach du liebe_! You are so generous!" exclaimed Hans.

"All I want in return -"

"Oh, I knew there had to be a catch," Hans broke in.

"There always is," added Peter.

"All I want," Hogan went on, "is a guarantee that, in case one of you Germans go nuts again starts another war, whoever owns the factory at that time will help the Allies however he can."

"And," Peter said, "while you're at it you might as well give ol' Klink a job there at the factory."

"Poor old fool isn't going find a job anywhere else," Kinch added.

"But - he is such a poor bookkeeper!" Hans protested.

"So give him another job, like a watchman," Louis retorted. "Overnight. That way you'll never have to look at the man again."

"_Ja_, that suits me," Karl said.

"Ok, for you, my little cockroach - I do it," Hans said.

"Poor ol Klink," Peter laughed.

"_Ja_, it's all I could do not to laugh whenever I saw that old _Pickelhaube_ \- Prussian helmet - sitting on his desk!"

Hans laughed about Klink's so-called 500-year-old aristocratic name that was somewhat marred by the little-known fact that Klink's father was not the dead war hero Klink made him out to be; instead, he actually deserted the German army during WWI and had run away, ending up on the French Riviera, where he was still living during WWII.

"Don't knock it; fear of this fact coming out is what kept Klink from reporting us all to his superiors and gaining that elusive promotion to General," said Kinch.

"A time or two, it was also my knowledge of this very shameful fact that caused him to help keep me from going to the Russian Front," confessed Hans. "I told him that if I was going, I would send letters to everyone from General Burkhalter on down on the way there, telling them all about it."

"But it was including th_e Schweinfurt__ Shopping News _in the list that did it," Hogan added. (***1****7**)

"Oh, _ja," _Hans laughed.

"This is true?" asked Karl.

"It's so true that the Klink family coat-of-arms should have been yellow and 'ave a chicken on it," laughed Peter.

"_Ouí_, cowardice runs in his family," agreed Louis.

"Instead of general, Klink should have asked for a promotion to Coward First Class," put in Kinch.

"'E'da right made that one!" laughed Peter. "And Schultzie - don't forget to check your pockets!"

Hans remembered the odd packet he'd found in his pocket and took it out. As he looked curiously at the packet of papers Peter said, "habit," and waggled the fingers on both hands. Hans laughed and opened the packet. Inside was a signed statement from all the ex-prisoners in Stalag 13, saying what a humane, decent guard Sergeant of the Guard Hans Schultz had been.

It also included, along with signatures, the contact information from all in _Barracke 2_ \- Robert Hogan, Louis LeBeau, Peter Newkirk, Andrew Carter, Richard Baker, Stewart Olson and James "Kinch" Kinchloe, who had transferred back to Stalag 13 after his secret mission to keep RAF Group Captain (Colonel) Rodney Crittendon from messing up their operation was over, which was very near the end of the war.

When Crittendon had inexplicably gotten himseld re-captured after making it all the way back to England, Hogan suspected it was an inside job. He wouldn't have put it past a German double agent to kidnap Crittendon in England then release him in Germany after arranging for his capture, as the British couldn't have wanted Crittendon any more than Hogan did; probably quite a bit LESS, actually.

Having the old Colonel on German soil only made Crittendon a danger to anyone dumb enough to be along with him on one of his many escapes, as Crittendon was always, frustratingly enough, lucky enough to escape the serious harm which always befell those unlucky enough to be around him during an escape and re-capture - until word finally got out to the Allies to avoid contact with Crittendon by any means possible.

So Hogan had sent Kinch in to watch and, if necessary, contain Crittendon during the critical final phase of the war. Kinch had put himself directly under Crittendon's command, as a secret observer, in Stalag 4. It was a dirty job but it had been very necessary. (***1****8**)

The rest of the 15 men who were directly under Hans Schultz's guard in _Barracke 2 _had put their contact information plus signatures on Han's paper as well.

"You never know, mate - you might need it," Peter said.

"And the signatures are all real," added Louis. Peter playfully pushed him.

"Oh, _danke!" _Hans smiled. "You fellows are the best!"

"We didn't forget you...may I call you Karl now?" Louis said to Karl Langenscheidt. "That was a nice trip we made to Paris."

"_Ja,"_ Karl replied. "The wine was excellent!" (***1****9**)

"So was the General's uniform!" Hans laughed. He riffled through the papers and found one with Karl's name. "_Und_ one for you! You are officially a good guy now."

"_Ja_, that is nice to know," Karl agreed as he took the signed statement.

"There's even one for old Klink in there," Peter said.

"WITHOUT our addresses, of course," Hogan added. "Try and see that he gets it."

"_Jawohl_, with his big mouth, he will need it!" Hans laughed. "Always talking himself into trouble!"

"Then WE'D have to get him out!" Hogan added.

"Oh, _ja_, _ja_...such memories. You almost made this war fun!" Hans said. "I was practically _un_ _kinder_ when I was in the first war. Younger than you, Karl. I did not like that one at all but I thought it was my duty when I ran away to join the _Deutsches Heer_ \- the Imperial German Army - against my mother's wishes. Oh, BOY, was I a _dummkopf__!_ I was lucky the war ended so soon after I went in.

"I started at Uncle Otto's toy factory after that, plus I was in the _Freikorps_ volunteer civilian defense force _und_ then I spent a few years in the civilian watch, part-time. I was later drafted back into the _Reichswehr_, which has now become the _Wehrmacht_, as you have noticed. I switched from the _Reichsheer_ to the _Luftwaffe_ when that happened so I could get assigned to the Stalag _Lufts_. My experience in the first war _und_ other conflicts plus some help from my friends made this possible.

"My poor old Uncle Otto had no _kinder_ since my cousin Oscar got sick _und_ died. Maybe you remember him? He was the _tierarzt_ at the camp. Oh, I don't know how you say it. He took care of the dogs."

"He means the veterinarian," Louis said.

"Yeah - Oscar Schnitzer. We were...acquainted," Peter put in dryly.

"_Ja_, what he said," Schultz went on. "Anyway, there are no _kinder_ left, so I think I now own the factory. That is, after the ball bearing factory that is there now has finished closing." (*******20**)

"You mean we missed one?" asked Louis.

"'Ow'd that happen?" asked Peter.

"I asked London to spare it. They just had agents keep sabotaging the operations there but spare the building," Hogan informed them.

"Oh, you think of everything!" Hans exclaimed. "_Danke_, Colonel...or is it _Herr_ Hogan now?"

"Rob is fine," Hogan replied.

As the guys all shook hands with Freddie, who was now back in Carter's arms, Andrew was thinking, "wait until Mary Jane sees me with a real, live chimp! Boy, will she be surprised! She'll be sorry for that Dear John letter then!" (*******2****1**)

Visions of going back and finding Mary Jane's marriage broken up danced through Andrew's head. He'd take his grandmother's wedding ring and have Freddie bring it to her, along with a note in the ringbox asking her to marry Andrew. He'd teach Freddie to go down on one knee as he delivered the ringbox, along with a single red rose of course. How could she say no then? Heck, he might even do it if she was still married, while her husband was out of town, of course. Let him try to compete with a war hero and a cute chimp!

Rob looked over the men he'd lived literally shoulder-to-shoulder with for close to 3 years. A papa bear couldn't have been prouder of his cubs than Rob was of these men...

**FOOTNOTES:**

***1 Season 3, Episode 14 "Everybody Loves a Snowman"**

***2 Kinchloe has been referred to as both "Ivan" and "James"; if "James" had been his middle name, he wouldn't have been called "Mr. James Kinchloe" in a letter from the draft board in "Request Permission to Escape", Season 1, Episode 32, he would have been referred to as "Mr. Ivan Kinchloe" instead. So those who allege that his name is Ivan James Kinchloe are simply wrong. His name is clearly James Ivan Kinchloe.**

***3 Season 3, Episode 21 "War Takes a Holiday"; the often-misunderstood truth is that Schultz tells Klink he is the "boss" at Schatzie Toy Company. This does not necessarily mean he owns the factory, as so many people have mistakenly thought. He is Executive Operations Manager, which makes him the head "boss". Had he been the owner, he would have said so. The "Uncle Otto" in question in my story is Otto Schnitzer, father of Oscar Schnitzer, who delivered the guard dogs to Stalag 13 and other Stalags.**

***4 Karl Langensheidt being the nephew of Gretchen Schultz and also being a foreman at Schatzie Toy Company is my own invention.**

***5 This hypothesis of how Hogan kept Schultz and Klink safe as the war ended is strictly my own invention.**

***6 Carter's rank was changed partially to disguse him as his escape from Stalag 5 took him through Stalag 13 (pilot episode) and partially due to Hogan having his own chain-of-command in place when Carter was assigned. He was able to retain one rank above Kinchloe with the understanding that Kinch was Hogan's designated second-in-command.**

***7 Season 3, Episode 29 "Monkey Business"**

***8 Season 2, Episode 5 "The Battle of Stalag 13"**

***9 ****This is actually one of several explosions involving Carter. In Season 1, Episode 7, "German Bridge is Falling Down", alone, Carter is involved with no less than 5 accidental explosions. Hogan gave Carter a long break from major explosive-making after that, no doubt due to all the unscheduled explosions, having him only construct a simple gunpowder bomb until Season 1 Episode 28, "The Assassin", during which Carter is responsible for 2 underground explosions. Carter's bombmaking in Season 2, Episode 1, "Hogan Gives a Birthday Party" resulted in no accidental explosions, nor did Carter's car bombs in "The Battle of Stalag 13", Season 2, Episode 5. All of those earlier explosions undoubtedly - literally - scrambled poor Carter's brain.**

***10 In Season 1, Episode 17, "Happy Birthday, Adolf", Hogan asks for a volunteer who's got plenty of guts and can move fast for a recon mission. The guys all tell Hogan he can count on them, that they'll find someone. Hogan reiterates that it's volunteer so he can't order anyone to go. "So who's going to step forward and take this job thank you LeBeau," he says without pause. "I didn't move a muscle!" protests LeBeau. "You've got that 'volunteer' look," Hogan tells him. "That's how I got married," says LeBeau. "Volunteered the same way." As LeBeau is said to be single in all other episodes, he must have gotten divorced. His reason for doing so is strictly my invention.**

***11 Season 1, Episode 26 "The Prince from the Phone Company". ****Kinch states that he worked for the phone company in Detroit before the war.**

***12 Hogan's real hometown is Bridgeport, Connecticut. The confusion comes in due to Hogan being asked about certain cities by the Germans. ("Hogan Gives a Birthday Party", Season 2, Episode 1. General Biedenbender: "Do you like the climate here, Hogan, or do you prefer Indianapolis?", for example). Hogan is surprised because, while he did live in each of those cities, he has listed Bridgeport, Connecticut as his home town and considers it home by his own admission. Also confusing the issue is a mention by Hogan that he knows a grocer in Chicago whose thumb weighs 5 pounds ("Kommmandant of the Year", Season 1, Episode 3) and an expressed desire from Hogan to a captured German officer that he'd like to be burgermeister of Cleveland and Cincinnati after the war ("The Prisoner's Prisoner", Season 1, Episode 6).**

***13 Season 1, Episode 27 "The Safecracker Suite". Newkirk thinks of Alfie Burke's name just a bit too quickly for him not to have had a history with him, in my opinion.**** Newkirk has also admitted to having been with a circus in Season 3, Episode 29 "Monkey Business"****.**

***14 Peter Newkirk's family history is strictly my own invention.**

***15 Season 1, Episode 18 "The Gold Rush"**

***16 The explanation of why the bricks disappeared, and their present location, are strictly my own invention.**

***17 The whole history of Klink's father is strictly my own invention.** **I got the name of _Schweinfurt Shopping News _from Season 6 Episode 9 "The Big Record". Newkirk tells Klink they read about the VIP meeting at Stalag 13 in this newspaper.**

***18 This explanation of why Kinch was replaced by Baker is strictly my own invention.**

***19 Season 2, Episode 16 "Art for Hogan's Sake"**

***20 The military background of Hans Schultz is strictly my own invention, ****though he is mentioned as having served in WWI at the Ardennes and at Liège in Season 2, Episode 6 "The Rise and Fall of Sergeant Schultz".**

***21 Season 1, Episode 32 "Request Permission to Escape"**

**OBSERVATIONS:**

**1\. Though Klink is credited as being _Oberst, _a full Colonel, only his shoulder braid reflects this. His uniform patches show him as being _Oberstleutnant, _a Lieutenant-Colonel, which is one rank below Hogan and two ranks below the lowest General rank. An _Oberst _has red patches, not yellow, plus 3 wings and 2 bars. Klink has only the 2 wings and 2 bars of an Oberstleutnant but the 2 shoulder pips of the _Oberst. (#)_**

**2\. Hochstetter has incorrect insignia as well. He is an _SS-Sturmbannführer, _an SS-Assault unit leader/Major. He is supposed to have shoulder braid with no pips and four pips on his left collar patch. He is often wearing _Oberst _patches on his collar or the incorrect number of pips. (#)**

**3\. The _Luftwaffe _is often referred to as the "German Army" on the show. It is not; the German Army was called _Reichsh__eer, _or _Heer,_ during WWII. The _Luftwaffe _was the German Air Force. General Burkhalter was an Army General. Klink, Schultz and Langensheidt were all _L__uftwaffe. _****Hochstetter was _SS-Waffen. _All were branches of the _Wehrmacht._**

**# The incorrect uniform of Major Hochstetter is usually attributed to the fact that Howard Caine played Colonel - _Oberst - _Feldkamp before playing Major Hochstetter. It is thought that, since the uniform was put together for him, no one bothered to change it. I, personally, am of the opinion that both Hochstetter and Klink - though they pretended to know all the regulations and follow them - were actually so ignorant that they couldn't even dress themselves correctly. I further postulate that General Burkhalter was aware of their errors in uniform but not only did not care enough to tell them, he actually got secret glee out of it and hoped someone higher up than himself would notice, thereby causing trouble for Klink and Hochstetter.**

**And there is another reason why Hochstetter's uniform is wrong; that will eventually be explained in another flashfiction story I am planning called "WHO IS THIS MAN AND WHAT IS HE REALLY DOING HERE?" **

**I'll try not to let 7 years go by between story postings again!**

THANK YOU FOR READING!


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